I want you to know that I love you like a dog loves an owner,
I wait for you like a cactus waits for Rain,
That I wish I could be with you always like the stars at night,
that I could bask in your light, like the moon and the sun.
That i could be surrounded by you like a stone in the river,
be cute and cuddly like little bears, make love like dogs, :)
and one day people will say I wish we could be like Caity and Ryan together forever, in love for all time, the perfect couple, a love story for all time..
Later my Love,
Ryan
Monday, January 18, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
2am and I can't sleep
I don't know whether its because I truly don't want to sleep, or if I'm afraid to fall asleep. Maybe its the cane sugar cola, or the hot chocolate. Or the humming and the creaks of the house as it settles. Or my wandering mind. Thinking about Ryan and how he will be waking up as I struggle to fall asleep. Maybe its the temperature of my room. Its too cold in here. Or my mattress that I'm not used to sleeping on. Whatever it is, I can't sleep.
So I will rant. This rant will be directed towards birders. I was once amongst their kind, excited to see new birds, excited with greed. But as I slowly awakened to the reality of the situation, I reacted with denial, anger, and have come into this final stage of pity and understanding. So lets go through the stages.
1) Denial.
I wanted to desperately think that being a birder I cared about the environment and the animals in it more than most people. I thought that my knowledge about identification would lead me to glory and recognition amongst my birder peers. I thought that being a birder was a special and unique pastime. I thought that somehow I was better than people who weren't birders. I thought that one of the most important goals of my life would be to see as many birds as I could.
2) Realization of the truth and Anger.
I had been happily and obliviously birding for 7 years when an English class prompted me pay more attention to my vocabulary. I realized that I was saying such things as "I need to see this bird!" and "I need this bird for my list." Or phrases like "I had this bird yesterday" You HAD a bird? Picked it up? OWNED it? NEED. What a horrible greedy word to use when describing the want to view a bird. People NEED food, water, and shelter to SURVIVE. And I was blindly saying that I NEEDED to see a bird to SURVIVE. Such a statement only proves the greed and selfishness of the person spewing it forth. I started to listen to other birder's speech. I would hear the newly found British term "twitch" which meant to casually see and mark a bird off one's list. People would say that they "twitched" an extremely rare bird, and would completely undermine that bird's importance. There is some vulgarity about using the word "twitch" to see a special bird. Its anti-climatic. And it leaves the non-birder listener thinking that birders get Tourette's whenever they see a bird. This phrase to me was nearly as insulting to the bird as the phrase "trash bird."
So I started a campaign to try to help my birder friends overcome their nasty habits and indecent vocabulary. Most defiantly defended themselves and said "Oh, I don't see a problem with it, it's just slang." Some agreed with my ideas, but were reluctant to change their ways. My anger with them grew and I considered myself to no longer be a part of them. I was a bird-appreciator. A true ornithologist. Not someone who just notched their belt.
3) Pity.
Having been separated from the birding world for over 10 months now, I think my anger has cooled enough to write this. I still have a wonderful time looking for birds when I go about my daily business. I still see "lifers" but I have long thrown away my list. My focus with birds has returned to where it begun. To parrots. I'm developing my skills as bird-caretaker and aviculturist. Becoming familiar with the genetics of species and how essential it is for conservation efforts to be able to breed rare or endangered parrots. The only way to fight extinction for some of these species, especially those on the pet trade, is to form breeding programs. Even if some species may never be introduced back into the wild, (like the goffin cockatoo; habitat destruction and heavy predation makes reintroductions fatal) their species will be preserved. And with the realization that I can actually help the birds I love, comes the realization that birders will never be able to help a bird by simply seeing it. Between the bird and the human, the only one who comes away from the experience of being "twitched" with positive note is the birder. The bird, usually if its a rare bird for the area, is usually suffering with some ailment that got it into the wrong place. This initial stress added with the stress of hundreds of people with obtrusive cameras, car and noise pollution is of severe detriment to the bird. Usually the bird will die or disappear withing a few days of being "discovered." Its a pity that they derive enjoyment from seeing a dying animal.
4) Understanding.
I was one of the lucky ones and grew out of the selfish hobby of birding. When I look back, it is more clear to me that birding was a manifestation of my childish need to collect and compete, aspiring with good intentions to be the best. This is seen a lot with children and adolescences, and examples of similar things to birding include video games, trophy hunting, pokemon cards, beanie babies, and stamps. I feel that other birders are stuck in this childish and selfish stage; unable to grow up and let it go. With this understanding, comes the idea that selfish people are never satisfied. I have come to realize that it is the quality of your experience with a bird that is important, not the quantity of birds that you have seen.
It took me almost a year to be able to write about this enlightenment. I hope that others who have addictions to selfish hobbies will be able to reflect upon their behaviors and see if what it is that they are doing is worth their time. I'm aware that some people will never grow out of their addiction. This is life.
On that note, I must be getting back to the reality of my own and get to bed.
FG
So I will rant. This rant will be directed towards birders. I was once amongst their kind, excited to see new birds, excited with greed. But as I slowly awakened to the reality of the situation, I reacted with denial, anger, and have come into this final stage of pity and understanding. So lets go through the stages.
1) Denial.
I wanted to desperately think that being a birder I cared about the environment and the animals in it more than most people. I thought that my knowledge about identification would lead me to glory and recognition amongst my birder peers. I thought that being a birder was a special and unique pastime. I thought that somehow I was better than people who weren't birders. I thought that one of the most important goals of my life would be to see as many birds as I could.
2) Realization of the truth and Anger.
I had been happily and obliviously birding for 7 years when an English class prompted me pay more attention to my vocabulary. I realized that I was saying such things as "I need to see this bird!" and "I need this bird for my list." Or phrases like "I had this bird yesterday" You HAD a bird? Picked it up? OWNED it? NEED. What a horrible greedy word to use when describing the want to view a bird. People NEED food, water, and shelter to SURVIVE. And I was blindly saying that I NEEDED to see a bird to SURVIVE. Such a statement only proves the greed and selfishness of the person spewing it forth. I started to listen to other birder's speech. I would hear the newly found British term "twitch" which meant to casually see and mark a bird off one's list. People would say that they "twitched" an extremely rare bird, and would completely undermine that bird's importance. There is some vulgarity about using the word "twitch" to see a special bird. Its anti-climatic. And it leaves the non-birder listener thinking that birders get Tourette's whenever they see a bird. This phrase to me was nearly as insulting to the bird as the phrase "trash bird."
So I started a campaign to try to help my birder friends overcome their nasty habits and indecent vocabulary. Most defiantly defended themselves and said "Oh, I don't see a problem with it, it's just slang." Some agreed with my ideas, but were reluctant to change their ways. My anger with them grew and I considered myself to no longer be a part of them. I was a bird-appreciator. A true ornithologist. Not someone who just notched their belt.
3) Pity.
Having been separated from the birding world for over 10 months now, I think my anger has cooled enough to write this. I still have a wonderful time looking for birds when I go about my daily business. I still see "lifers" but I have long thrown away my list. My focus with birds has returned to where it begun. To parrots. I'm developing my skills as bird-caretaker and aviculturist. Becoming familiar with the genetics of species and how essential it is for conservation efforts to be able to breed rare or endangered parrots. The only way to fight extinction for some of these species, especially those on the pet trade, is to form breeding programs. Even if some species may never be introduced back into the wild, (like the goffin cockatoo; habitat destruction and heavy predation makes reintroductions fatal) their species will be preserved. And with the realization that I can actually help the birds I love, comes the realization that birders will never be able to help a bird by simply seeing it. Between the bird and the human, the only one who comes away from the experience of being "twitched" with positive note is the birder. The bird, usually if its a rare bird for the area, is usually suffering with some ailment that got it into the wrong place. This initial stress added with the stress of hundreds of people with obtrusive cameras, car and noise pollution is of severe detriment to the bird. Usually the bird will die or disappear withing a few days of being "discovered." Its a pity that they derive enjoyment from seeing a dying animal.
4) Understanding.
I was one of the lucky ones and grew out of the selfish hobby of birding. When I look back, it is more clear to me that birding was a manifestation of my childish need to collect and compete, aspiring with good intentions to be the best. This is seen a lot with children and adolescences, and examples of similar things to birding include video games, trophy hunting, pokemon cards, beanie babies, and stamps. I feel that other birders are stuck in this childish and selfish stage; unable to grow up and let it go. With this understanding, comes the idea that selfish people are never satisfied. I have come to realize that it is the quality of your experience with a bird that is important, not the quantity of birds that you have seen.
It took me almost a year to be able to write about this enlightenment. I hope that others who have addictions to selfish hobbies will be able to reflect upon their behaviors and see if what it is that they are doing is worth their time. I'm aware that some people will never grow out of their addiction. This is life.
On that note, I must be getting back to the reality of my own and get to bed.
FG
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
